First in a series about your unfaithful contributors. Each Ooof blogger has an arch nemesis. Water to a flame. Tom to Jerry. Spy to…ummm vs. Spy? Today we investigate the Metro-Neck’s mortal weakness. He long has bemoaned the presence of the evil green fiend on grocery store shelves. It has taunted him with it’s giant size at the theater. Not to mention it’s delightful aroma, and charming crunching noise. Infused with the flavors of dill, garlic, salt, and like lots of good stuff like brine and…I don’t know, maybe vinegar? In a myriad of flavors: Bread & Butter, Sweet (love you Grannie!), Kosher, Gherkin….giggle, Polish (traditional side dish to VODKA!!!), Dill, and Koolickles (don’t look it up, if you don’t want to know). Yes little champions we are talking about the PICKLE! A cucumber soaked in pure unadulterated evil. Something so vile, so devious. So tasty? He often mentions his hell involves pickles and traffic. Which oddly enough is a strange fetish of the Basho’s. Whatever, when we have asked for reasoning for his stance. His eyes gloss over (more than normal), and he just stares off with that lone drool drip drip drip dripping from his painfully contorted pie-hole. Please take a moment, and post a thoughtful word of encouragement to the poor Metro-Neck. Today will be difficult for him as he faces his toughest challenge. Chin up little camper. We are here to kick you when you are down. Bastard.
Ooof Demons
April 14th, 2008 by The Deadly Ginger | Ooof, Ooof products, nemesis confrontation
5 comments ↓
Dear Metro-Neck,
Being the jealous type that I am, I hate to encourage you to seek out another woman. But a young woman named Mariah’s reaction to the pickle is so spot on to yours, it would not be right to do otherwise. Meet the Metro-Neck’s soul mate:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUk_3eKL9Xk
Did you like the porch pickle I left for you?
Poor Metro-Neck. I feel your pickle pain. But imagine briefly if The Naughty loved pickles and ate one every evening when she got home and then kissed you hello. Do you see the hell I’m living?
Oh, and I’m glad somebody got that gun-crazy guy off the first post spot.
It is true i hate the f’n pickle. it is truely an abomination sent from the devil. whoever came up the pickling process should have one of those foul green stinky mutant vegetables stuck in every orifice in their body. i’m just sayin. the Don’s porch pickle turned into a pool pickle after i tried to bean him in his Alfred E. Newman head and it bounced off the house and into the pool. A pickle at the bottom of a pool looks a bit like…..
[...] Maybe even some slander???? Pawbly. However, The Ging does hit on some truths though as we read earlier about the Metro-Neck and perhaps there is even some truth in his foul post about me. Yes - I do hate people [...]
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