Entries Tagged 'nemesis confrontation' ↓

From the police blotter beat 227

“AP TOLD THE COMP, “I WILL FUCK YOU UP”, CAUSING FEAR TO COM THE COMP STATED ON 08-12-08, THAT ON 08-11-08 AT 11 AM, THE AP TOLD THE COMP BY TELEPHONE, “I WILL FUCK YOU UP, I’LL COME UP AND BEAT YOUR ASS, YOU DON’T WANT ANY PART OF ME, I’LL BREAK YOUR HIP AGAIN, AND I WAS A BAD ASS IN SCHOOL AND STILL AM”. THE COMP FEARED FOR HER SAFETY AND BELIEVES THE AP WILL CARRY OUT THREAT. ”

I was not a bad ass in school. I am thrilled with the correct english wording. your instead of yo’, you know like stuff and things.

Warning don’t click if you can’t handle it like the Dong

That Damn Deadly Ginger, he sure does have fun talkin shit doesn’t he?  I can just hear him saying ‘weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ after hitting that publish button with the utmost pride.  This blog is all about that though, and all is fair in love and war.  Shit talking.  Revealing. Maybe even some slander???? Pawbly.  However, The Ging does hit on some truths though as we read earlier about the Metro-Neck and perhaps there is even some truth in his foul post about me.  Yes - I do hate people disrespecting Mother Nature.  It drives me crazy that the people of this world seem hell bent on destroying it.  I mean really, what the fuck?  

 Why shit where you sleep, you know?  I did reside in two of the most beautiful states where hippies run rampant and the environmentalism can seem a bit facist (not communist, thank you very much.)  Some strange twist of fate eventually brought me to the much beloved by the rest of the ooofers state of Texas.  And wow, can you say stuck in denial? Oblivious of the damage that they do?  The Texas state Motto is “Don’t Mess with Texas”  We have all heard it right?  But the sad part is most Texans take that as being about machismo and not Don’t Litter all over the God Damn State Asshole!!  I have seen countless people not just throw their cigarrettes out their windows, but entire fast food bags, SUPERDELUXETEXASSIZETWOFISTSARENECESSARYTODRINKOUTOFTHIS cups, and diapers for fucks sake.  Diapers!  I enjoy walking and there is a beautiful lake near by where people seem to think once they pack up the Tejano music that they can just leave there picnic trash right there!  There is more plastic floating around that lake than in the grotto at the Playboy mansion.  The last two visits I saw a dead pitbull floating in the lake.  Two different days, two different dogs.  So damn sad.  What the hell is the matter with people dumping their shit wherever the fuck?  Texan’s pride themselves on they mamas raising them right, but a lot of those mothers voted for Bush and his polluting ass and they wouldn’t know the recycling symbol if it was tatooed on their slutty teenagers lower back.  Anyways, what is a girl to do?  Compost yes.  Drive my piece of shit but awfully cute Cabrio until it dies instead of getting a damn sexy SUV? Yes.  Join em?  Maybe a little, as I also take part in the most satisfying form of self flagellation/pollution: I also am guilty of another form of self pollution, but it is ever so effective in taking my my mind off of the trashing of our planet.  Cheers! Reduce your use, recycle please.  Give a hoot people!  Love, the Naughty.  

Once more into the bore fair traveler.

Part of our community service agreement with the man requires public service announcements. Today we continue our ongoing series on the Ooof Blogger’s demons. Known practically no where, the Naughty would be the fairest of the Ooofs. A known communist/hippy/lunatic “lady”, with a penchant for nnnnggahhhy.  Some would assume her demon might be poor innocent animals. Chosen at random, delusion-ally, & most certainly wrongly for her misguided venom. No. Some might think it’s one of the Ooofs (shout out to the Neck…What up YO!). No. Those in the know might even assume her demon is just being awake. WRONG!

The Naughty is held down by pollution. Level purple smog alerts. Suspicious tasting water. New Mexico state flowers strewn across the country side. Ozone, heat, melting glaciers, disappearing bees, 14 legged frogs, and bad skin/frizzy hair. All symptoms of an epidemic. As a young Mischievous she was exposed to the great evil challenging the earth. Growing into the Naughty near some of the truly scenic vistas or views,if you will, of our great country. Opened her eyes well before that damn Gore bandwagoned again. Maturing in these cesspools, lead to her understanding of pollution, and eventually her hatred for it. She remembers fondly; “Like, you know bad air and stuff. Totally the water was, like you know, ummm bad.” Today the Naughty can be found over paying for ‘organic’, or ‘earth friendly’. She says that is not the only step you can take however. “For the reals ya’ll. Like compost or sumtin’.” Nothing says earth first like a giant pile of re-rotting vegetables and fruit. The Naughty has also been known to start her car’s forward momentum in 2nd gear. “That way, you totally avoid all the 1st gear pollution.” The Naughty has a long way to go in fighting the Earth’s #1 problem. However with a little love and support from each of us. We will find a way. We will help the Naughty save the planet.

Editor’s Note: The intention was to post this on Earth Day. However, the Deadly Ginger has been busy manscaping.

First in a series about your unfaithful contributors. Each Ooof blogger has an arch nemesis. Water to a flame. Tom to Jerry. Spy to…ummm vs. Spy? Today we investigate the Metro-Neck’s mortal weakness. He long has bemoaned the presence of the evil green fiend on grocery store shelves. It has taunted him with it’s giant size at the theater. Not to mention it’s delightful aroma, and charming crunching noise. Infused with the flavors of dill, garlic, salt, and like lots of good stuff like brine and…I don’t know, maybe vinegar? In a myriad of flavors: Bread & Butter, Sweet (love you Grannie!), Kosher, Gherkin….giggle, Polish (traditional side dish to VODKA!!!), Dill, and Koolickles (don’t look it up, if you don’t want to know). Yes little champions we are talking about the PICKLE! A cucumber soaked in pure unadulterated evil. Something so vile, so devious. So tasty? He often mentions his hell involves pickles and traffic. Which oddly enough is a strange fetish of the Basho’s. Whatever, when we have asked for reasoning for his stance. His eyes gloss over (more than normal), and he just stares off with that lone drool drip drip drip dripping from his painfully contorted pie-hole. Please take a moment, and post a thoughtful word of encouragement to the poor Metro-Neck. Today will be difficult for him as he faces his toughest challenge. Chin up little camper. We are here to kick you when you are down. Bastard.